I let the box get made, and hnt
Thursday, November 15, 2007 | Labels: anger, half-nekkid thursday, hnt, job search, personal, self-help, self-image |For the post
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Man, did I wake up pissed off.
I've had enough of people underestimating or, worse, ignoring my abilities, my wisdom, my competence. Assuming they know all the reasons why I do things. Making summary judgments when they hardly know me. Professionally. Personally. This seems to have hit me in all aspects of my life at the same instant.
And I'm fuming about it.
Some people - a very very few - who know me very very well... they are, for the most part excused. They do know me and my abilities and have a more accurate idea of the way I work.
But the rest? I've had it. OK... this is mainly being felt in the work place. But it's kinda happening all over.
Yeah, I know - some of you out there, the ones so quick to judge (you know who you are), will assume either (1) Since I am getting treated this way that these views people have must, in fact, be true, OR (2) I am allowing this to happen in spite of the truth.
In this case, I, myself, know it's the latter. If one thing has happened to me in these two years since I started blogging, it's that I've gained tremendous awareness of my worth.
And I'm worth a lot.
But lately, as I've realized my strengths (and weaknesses), I've also noticed how boxed in I am. How people just assume I have no abilities, no intelligence, no competence.
Not that they've seen me do things badly.
It's that they don't see me in any way.
And I know the responsibility for this is mine. I let it happen. Even if I didn't mean it to be, by my lack of opposition, the fault is mine.
See, the part I haven't gotten right yet is yanking others - outside my immediate sphere - to actually notice my worth.
Why should that be so important? Because 99% of people in the world think they know you inside-and-out when, maybe, 0.0001% actually do. They may barely have met you, but, oh, they've got your number.
- You know you're smart with a PhD in molecular microbiology. But they figure you don't know anything.
- You know you can learn carpentry, app development, program management, or anything in the world, but they never think to offer the training because they assume you're no good at it anyway.
- You see the big picture and the stream of errors causing things to fail, yet they don't even want to hear from you because, "what would he know?"
- You do something for your own complicated set of reasons, they assume your reasons were simplistic and superficial.
They just, ya know, know... based on their own preconceived notions and, at best, an anecdote.
The ones who actually know you, know better. Unfortunately, those folks are not the ones who change people's minds.
So... if you yourself don't challenge people's assumptions, then those people - and their assumptions - will define you.
I am realizing this now, so late.
I think that is why I woke up this morning - as things seemed to be clicking into place - and I was saying, "This has to change".
What I need to do is work on "How?"
I don't know the answer yet.
...
I looked at the expression on my face in the mirror.
I was mad. I was so damn mad.
So I figured the first thing is I should change the look on my face from scowl... to smile.
Because no one likes a sour-puss.
(This is about as HNT as it's gonna get today)
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You're wearing a tie.
*shudder*
Marketing yourself in the workplace is almost like pimping sex. It's about putting up a sign that says "Look at me! Hear me rawr!"
Go get 'em, tiger!
blue is a good color for you. Makes your eyes 'pop'.
Blue eyes are a powerful tool, and should be taken advantage of.
Well... good luck. I have been down that path many times. Just when I am ready to jump... something great happens and keeps me where I am. It's almost like they KNOW. FREAKY!
I know it's easy for me to say since I'm not in the middle of it, but don't take it personal. People are just running their own agendas, based on the crap that's happened to them in their lives, and you just happen to be in their sphere of influence.
One of the best things a therapist ever told me was, "You need to think a little less of yourself." Odd, I thought, since I was seeing him to work on my self esteem! So I offer this same advice to you in a helpful spirit. When you realize that you aren't important enough for them to upset their life-programmed agenda, it's easier to accept that it isn't personal. It is counterintuitive, but one of the things that kept me from beating myself up.
Consider that they may have a psychological fear of success and your great ideas run counter to that and the better your ideas, they more they will resist. Who knows?
You know you're fantastic, smart, and special. The fact that they don't get it tells you they can't see beyond the end of their noses. How sad for them!
I'm sorry, I'm trying to focus on your arguments, but you look so cute in that tie.
We've all been there.
So, next time you a guy holding a screwdriver, maybe you shouldn't assume he knows how to use it. LOL.
That is a very sexy photo. Or two.
ooh lord, what set all this in motion? (I'm sooo nosy)
Something to think about...
1) No one can make you feel inferior w/o your permission. Try to not let it get to you. Let your self-confidence shine above it.
2) People often attack qualities in others they dislike or lack in themselves.
And as my granny always said..."head up young person!"
Welcome to my world; and nice pictures scowl or smile.
ok. here goes. i have to say on this subject (as you've undoubtedly already read).
but.
there's only one real thing i have to say here. and i do mean it seriously.
smile wider.
um, i meant to type "a lot to say"
Tough situation. I guess this is one example of when it's needed to prove something to some people because the keeping the status quo is counterproductive.
I've been in similar situation. It's hard not to have anyone watch my back so I have to do that myself.
Don't lose the cool! Sounds trite, but everything's going to be alright!
Fuck 'em. Get another job. And on the way out the door, tell them to kiss your PhD ass.
BTW, pissed off or not, you're one handsome SOB.
You're a handsome guy, smiling or not ! :)
You've got to let assholes like stop bothering you, pure and simple. You're better 9and far better looking) than the lot of them.
Stash: I'm learning that more and more. It's like a kabuki dance. Or dance dance revolution. Or something like that.
CB: Thanks! I've been told that before. I seriously need a person to give me some basic guidance of what works for me and what doesn't. Blue is one of the few things I kinda know works - though only sometimes. Dunno why.
Brett: Thanks. We'll see how things shake out.
YOY: Thanks! Yeah, it's always possible that other people have their own agendas AND their own limitations. It's good food for thought.
David: Heh! :P
Steven: Ha! You know, actually, I think what you say is true more often that I realize.
Homer: Thanks! I thought I looked gooberish, but apparently I look ok to others, so that works.
Moby: Totally right! Not without my permission. It's really only now that I'm learning to deny people the right to look down on me. BTW, it's a bunch of different things that set me off. And, since I don't actually talk about certain things here, I won't go into it publicly.
Steve: Thanks, and yeah, I really need to realize that lots of people deal with this kind of crap all over the place. Nothing's unique to me, for sure.
m00nchild: I figure that's meant emotionally. Feeling "happier", or more confident, more secure. I imagine that act alone can be self-fulfilling, no?
Kiss my Mike: yeah, that's one of the issues, I think: I've never had any one to help guide me in tough times or to have my back, etc. So anything I've gotten accomplished I feel I've done more or less on my own. And that leaves me feeling a bit too exposed in the world.
RG: Thanks, man. It really isn't all about work, etc. Again, it's a variety of stuff going on.
BML: Thanks!
Will: I know - usually I don't get that bent out of shape. Sometimes, a bunch of things happen at once, and I just have to let it out, I guess.
We live in a culture of snap judgements. Which explains my MUST HAVE new shirt and tie for EVERY new business presentation I manage. Go figure. It's my own insecurities kicking in: I use wardrobe as a shield.
But smarts in the workplace always rise to the top. Unless, like...it's a family-owned business. Which explains MY gay glass ceiling. Beyond this ramble is he simple fact that you look adorable in that shirt and tie.
My 'snap judgement' when I met you was you are one smart hottie. Folks are generally threatened with that rare combo.