No comment required. Just thought I should say something.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008 | Labels: depression, health |For the post
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(Hmmm... UPDATE down below...)
Yeah... been a while.
And, in fact, I've been so out of it, I haven't checked any blog any where for weeks.
I was hoping to say that I was under the weather for a few weeks then went to Provincetown for a week and had a very fun time and I'm all good again, ready to chat.
And all that's true, except the last bit.
I'm back to crappy again - out of the blue after having a great time last week - and I'm sad. It's that simple. I've just been whacked by one weird ailment after another this summer. All kinda different, too. All tests (many) saying I am essentially quite healty. Wish I could believe it.
It has been brought to my attention that some over imbibing is leaving me open to this. I look back on last summer and remember I was working out three times a week - at home with no one pushing me - and basically no drinking during the week, quite intentionally. I seem to recall I had a better summer then, too.
Food for thought, I figure.
At the moment, I feel firmly trapped in my depressed phase. At times like this I know I will always be this way and will be trapped and alone with no friends and no loves and sad forever and ever and...
Yeah, it's not pretty, my brain.
It's also times like this a partner who could lift me out of this would have been great. But I think I've learned there's no one out there who could deal with me.
And for a couple of you who've tried to contact me (and thanks for that), well, you can see I don't respond. I just cower in a corner. Sometimes with an xbox, sometimes with a book, sometimes with a bottle.
That I am in this phase right now will surprise some who were with me last week. I was having - I believe - a great time, thinking I was finally getting back up to speed.
In fact, I wanted to upload a bunch of pictures from the week.
But, now... no.
Maybe I will later, if anyone's around to look.
But for now, I'm tired.
With a few exceptions it hasn't been a great summer.
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UPDATE: Hmmm... could eating bread that turned out to have three different layers of mold, white, green, and blueish colored, result in being violently ill around 4 hours later? Because I think that's might be what actually happened.
So, I came home from Ptown, had a quick sandwich, swallowed a bit of it, but it tasted really, really freaky. Four hours later, I was horribly, nasty sick. Two days after that (today), I look at the bread and the slices all around the ones I ate are absolutely covered with thick layers of ick.
What does anyone think? Possible? It'd make me feel better that at least there was a reason for this particular
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Man, you sound like me. Exhausted, tired, worn out, no energy, no wherewithall to get anything done. Don't care if I even take pics, let alone upload them. Blah blah blah. Let's start a new club.
I'm right there with you - it's not been a good year at all for me. Let's talk.
Yes my mens friends! Is it October yet? Freak of nature that I am, I discovered that an impacted wisdom tooth has taken a road trip and is now pressing on my sinus. This after hundreds of dollars in doctor visits and medication that provided no relief. Looking at surgery when I have the cahones and pesos to go through with it. Be strong my brothers, we will prevail!
i would love to join the club....new house and new life and now what do i do with it all....pretty shitty year to say the least......hang in there things will get better...so people tell me
Oh for fuck's sake: go get some professional help. Whether it's alcoholism, depression, or food poisoning, it's treatable. You don't have to wallow in the Slough of Despond forever. If the doctors can't find anything physical, it's time to see a mental health professional. You shouldn't live like this, and you don't have to.
Moldy bread, yep, that'll make you sick as a veritable dog. And it tastes very odd, too. That's what caused the terribly nasty sick in the stomach.
Now, for terribly sick in the head, take Ted's neighbors will hear's advice and see a doctor. Really. It's ok.
I know what you mean about being always and forever in the ditch of depression. When I'm there, I'm there forever. I cannot believe in an end to it. While I might remember a time before depression, it was so long ago as to be mythical. Because Oh Woe is Me. My brain does that dance. Does this comfort you or frighten you?
Alcohol is a depressant, you know. FYI. Also, the idea that a partner could lift you out of this? FALSE! Falling in love would lift you out of it, but being in love with a long term partner doesn't solve the depression. I know. I tried. He is still with me, he still loves me and I love him, but when I'm depressed he cannot fix me. (He can do me, but can't fix me, if you catch my drift)
Let's see: eating moldy bacteria laden bread, then violent illness leading to feelings of sadness? Yeah, I'd say 1 + 1 = 2.
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