Ready, Reset, Go! (2006-2008)

This is to make up for the ranty post just below.

Oh geez, this is a really funny scene.

OK, background: So there's this drag queen who is often in Provincetown - and I think I've also seen her in Boston.

And we can never tell if this person is doing a continuous act or if she is, in fact, truly f'd up (drugs, booze, who knows?).

I'm actually leaning towards a really inspired constantly performed act.

This took place at the Boatslip in Provincetown. The clip starts just after she actually took her "breasts" out of her dress and plopped them on the table. The breasts appeared to be potatoes stuffed inside stockings. After brushing them lovingly, she eventually flings them over her back. I don't know how much more there is to say. Just watch and decide for yourself.

Hmmm... given some folks amazing ability to know everything that has happened to me in the last two months, while I have, in fact, written almost nothing about it, I really have to say something.


There are those out there who read some words and have long ago believed they understand who I am.

I'm going to so this for those few out there - to most others of you, this does not apply.


There are those who think they understand my life from what little they can find here.

They think they do.

But they do not. And they, in particular, can not.

They think they understand me because, when it comes to writing about personal life, I have granted a very small glimpse of myself - only from what I have allowed to be said here. Only what I have very deliberately chosen to say here, for my own reasons - all honest, but only one side of me.

And using that one-sided information, declaired, many times by me, to be clearly selective and somewhat skewed, there are those who come to their absolute judgment.

But this is highly flawed reasoning - that what one sees is all and what one does not see does not exist.

This holds some water in the physical realm, though even there it is not nearly so absolute as that.

In the human realm, however, an arena of such richness of emotion and intellect, the vastness and variety of it's forms of thought and experience so stunningly documented in millennia of poetry and music, history and science, diatribes and calls to purpose, love letters and suicide notes, psychologists' notebooks and tracts of religious devotion, and songs - songs about anything anyone anywhere has ever thought... well, to make such an assumption in this realm, that what little bit you see from a person is all there is to that person, and what you don't see does not exist, is very simply the height of arrogance.

And it is just this - the inability to entertain that there is likely much more to a person than what one, with their oh-so-limited exposure, has had shown to them - which is the very reason such people can not possibly understand the inner workings of myself - or indeed others.

---

OK, nuff said. I have a kind of funny video to post which will move this post down a notch, just to keep things un-serious.

To prove there have been times this summer that I have *not* been a sad sack, witness that I was in Provincetown for a full seven days last week. If, as I now believe, I hadn't eaten that bread with five molds right when I got home, I would have viewed the week as a generally fun one.

Unlike many other trips, I actually appear in some photographs. So, I thought I'd share...


My week in Provincetown began like this, with some friends, like usual these days...

(As an aside, over a year ago, being with anyone in in Provincetown was something completely not-normal for me. As, back then, I had few friends in Boston, I was mainly a loner in P-town. That can work well, by the way!)


That evening, totally unlike usual, this body essentially fell in my lap. While I was in our house, waiting to go out, some guys came in. He was one of them. He had an interest in me. Etc, etc... It was a mild shock for me but I guess, ultimately, I'm not a dummy.
In the end, I didn't need to go out that night. As one of my friends said, "out came in".


Next day at the Boatslip Tea dance.
Or, heck, it could have been any day at Boatslip Tea, they happen every single day, and they all started to look the same after a while.


Some of my friends acting perfectly normal and uncontroversial. And Me... no, my eyes weren't closed because I was already drunk or something... they just caught me with my eyes closed.

See!


SEE!! (Though I seem perplexed)


Another day at a friend's house... I've got this bizarre pose going on, though... ??
There were other group pictures for which I refused to pose.


See, I wasn't a sad sack all the time (I think?)

Though... again with the perplexed... ???
Or was I about to do some kind of monkey face?


More friends and acquaintances...


Hmm... I've suddenly noticed that all my T shirts are exactly the same style. I think I need to work on that.


Anyway, so there was a big boat dancing cruise...

Lots of people, dancing, drinks, and rooooollllling waves...


And Jebus! There's always one of these guys... ALWAYS.

A guy who's kinda well known in some gay circles... anyone know him?

Comment to me: "All these hot guys on this boat and you're taking pictures of the SUN?!?!"


Macmillan Wharf after leaving the boat cruise...

I got some more... later.

(Hmmm... UPDATE down below...)

Yeah... been a while.

And, in fact, I've been so out of it, I haven't checked any blog any where for weeks.


I was hoping to say that I was under the weather for a few weeks then went to Provincetown for a week and had a very fun time and I'm all good again, ready to chat.

And all that's true, except the last bit.

I'm back to crappy again - out of the blue after having a great time last week - and I'm sad. It's that simple. I've just been whacked by one weird ailment after another this summer. All kinda different, too. All tests (many) saying I am essentially quite healty. Wish I could believe it.


It has been brought to my attention that some over imbibing is leaving me open to this. I look back on last summer and remember I was working out three times a week - at home with no one pushing me - and basically no drinking during the week, quite intentionally. I seem to recall I had a better summer then, too.

Food for thought, I figure.


At the moment, I feel firmly trapped in my depressed phase. At times like this I know I will always be this way and will be trapped and alone with no friends and no loves and sad forever and ever and...

Yeah, it's not pretty, my brain.

It's also times like this a partner who could lift me out of this would have been great. But I think I've learned there's no one out there who could deal with me.

And for a couple of you who've tried to contact me (and thanks for that), well, you can see I don't respond. I just cower in a corner. Sometimes with an xbox, sometimes with a book, sometimes with a bottle.


That I am in this phase right now will surprise some who were with me last week. I was having - I believe - a great time, thinking I was finally getting back up to speed.

In fact, I wanted to upload a bunch of pictures from the week.

But, now... no.


Maybe I will later, if anyone's around to look.


But for now, I'm tired.

With a few exceptions it hasn't been a great summer.

----
UPDATE: Hmmm... could eating bread that turned out to have three different layers of mold, white, green, and blueish colored, result in being violently ill around 4 hours later? Because I think that's might be what actually happened.

So, I came home from Ptown, had a quick sandwich, swallowed a bit of it, but it tasted really, really freaky. Four hours later, I was horribly, nasty sick. Two days after that (today), I look at the bread and the slices all around the ones I ate are absolutely covered with thick layers of ick.

What does anyone think? Possible? It'd make me feel better that at least there was a reason for this particular

LOL!!! Boy did Sitemeter fuck up royally.

By the way, I know I haven't been posting.
Not sure who's even around any more :(

But I saw this fiasco brewing this morning and felt like noting it.

For one thing, it may be affecting YOUR blog, if you have one. So you might want to know about it.

Sitemeter, one of the two most common web traffic counters in the world, recently made some change in their site traffic tracking code. And the result is a disaster...

From one blog that noted and tracked the issue as of Friday:

SiteMeter is bringing down every site where its counter code is loaded when the visiting browser is Internet Explorer versions 6.0 and 7.0. The error may also affect Internet Explorer 5.5.

Tens of thousands of publishers use sitemeter to track their content, including thousands of bloggers. The result: sitemeter takes down the internet? not quite.. but its pretty amazing.

And it is killing every major blog and top website out there - including sitemeter's own site!

But this is the funnier part (from the same blog I just quoted):

Status Updates

Update @ 9:00pm EDT: No Change.
Update @ 9:30pm EDT: No Change.
Update @ 10:00pm EDT: No Change.
Update @ 10:30pm EDT: No Change.
Update @ 11:00pm EDT: No Change.
Update @ 11:30pm EDT: No Change.
Update @ 12:00am EDT: No Change.
(sleeping…)
Update @ 7:00am EDT: No Change. (And even we were surprised by this…)
Update @ 8:00am EDT: No Change.

I had both sitemeter and Statcounter on my site and, yes, it was crashing too. And, yeah, removing the sitemeter code from the page fixes it just fine. If you have Sitemeter on your site, remove code that is bracketed by sitemeter tags:

<!--– Site Meter –-->
...
fucked up code
...
<!--– Copyright (c)2006 Site Meter –-->

As a replacement, you can sign up with Statcounter instead and set the counter to start at whatever your current numbers are.

Anyway, they're making it far, far worse by (as of 8:40am the day after the fuckup) not fixing the fuckup and not even talking about it.

At all.

Anywhere.

Imagine being responsible for nearly every major site in the world going down on 50% of the world's computers and not saying boo for a day.

I figure sitemeter is a hobby and not a company of any sort.

Never was clear how these things made money, anyway.


Anyways, just thought it was funny how internet businesses work.

Or don't.